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| Beautiful Red Rocks from our Denver trip 07.20.19 |
Welcome back to the blog after another crazy, unplanned break. More on that later. I wanted to keep up the tradition of posting on this date every year — my two-year cancerversary! Also the one year anniversary of launching this blog.
When facing a diagnosis, many often remember hallmark dates. I personally take a pause on July 10, the day in 2017 I had the surgery to remove the tumor; July 26, the day my oncologist diagnosed me with cancer; and November 10, the day I received a call with the great news that my CT scan came back clear after chemotherapy.
Although November 10 is certainly a happier day than July 26, I still take the time to reflect on how much my life has changed since that day.
On this day two years ago, I had a feeling it was going to be scary news from the moment I heard "mass on your ovary" to be completely honest. That's right, even in the midst of optimism coming at me from all angles, I had that gut feeling, which you don't hear in many stories.
We all obviously hoped for the best anyway.
The craziest part to me — crazier than having ovarian cancer at 20/21 years old — was that had I not have listened to my body and persisted with my doctors until we found an answer, it could've been way worse. I could still be walking around today with Toby the Tumor.
But I am the lucky one. You see, my family tree is filled with cancer on both sides. If each diagnosis was a light on that tree, we'd be ready to decorate for Christmas.
From an early age, I knew that if I didn't take care of myself, I could end up a Christmas light on that tree too. Perhaps now I'm just a burned-out bulb on that tree — my presence acknowledged but free of catastrophe for now.
I did take care of myself, however. I never had a problem eating fruits or vegetables and I participated in countless sports — some spanning a decade in length. I went to my checkups and physicals every year. I was always the smallest and shortest person in my class growing up and even in my most recent years, I've never tipped above an unhealthy body fat percentage.
So I took care of myself physically and nutritionally. But perhaps more importantly, I took care of myself with persistence. There were many opportunities I could've walked out of doctors' offices two years ago, taking "you have no symptoms" or "we're not sure" for an answer. I could've fallen into the trap that unfortunately too many people today still succumb to. And that is the illusion that doctors know your body better than you do. I'm sorry, but no "M.D." behind anyone's name can make me take their indecisive answers as my fate.
I'm not here to diss any medical professionals out there — I might not even be alive today without their help. But by golly, if you're one of the too-many who takes their doctor's answers to the grave, that's exactly where you'll end up if you don't put some thought of your own into the equation.
We all know I wasn't your average candidate for the C-word. I showed up to my annual physical one day and brought up that I was having weird periods after finally stabilizing my cycle through the years. That's it. That was my only symptom.
I didn't have the traditional abdominal bloating, changes in eating and bathroom habits, nausea or pain.
But when my physician didn't know what to do, I found another specialist. Don't let me paint this rebellious picture that I didn't have faith in any of these doctors and that I didn't follow orders. What I mean to capitalize on here is that I didn't take denial or indecision as an answer. If my thought process, wishes or symptoms were not validated, or at the very least acknowledged, then I persisted. I was my own advocate.
I'm not normally one to stray away from my introverted nature, but when it comes to my body and the future of it, I persist. And so should you all.
If there's anything I could wish for you at all — other than peace and safety — it is that you listen to your body and find the strength to always advocate for yourself.
Ask your doctor to slow down and explain things in easy to digest terms, or even ask for them to write it down for you. If you don't agree with treatment, refuse. The last thing you may need right now is more side effects from yet another prescription. If you don't like your care for whatever reason, find it elsewhere. You are the boss and you are the reason these people are employed. Well, kinda. You get it.
The point is, you have to advocate for yourself by playing an active role as an informed, communicative decision-maker about your treatment and your quality of life. You should feel comfortable asking questions and talking to your medical provider. Make sure they listen to you and respect your point of view. Your decisions and your dignity should be their top priority.
Your top priority, however, should be your self-awareness about subtle and not-so-subtle changes in symptoms and health status, as others cannot fully feel or assume what you're going through. Even if you aren't sick, there's a reason you're at the doctor. And even if you're as healthy as a ham, your annual checkups should be seamless and you should be able to walk out of the clinic knowing you've been cared for.
Ask your doctor to slow down and explain things in easy to digest terms, or even ask for them to write it down for you. If you don't agree with treatment, refuse. The last thing you may need right now is more side effects from yet another prescription. If you don't like your care for whatever reason, find it elsewhere. You are the boss and you are the reason these people are employed. Well, kinda. You get it.
The point is, you have to advocate for yourself by playing an active role as an informed, communicative decision-maker about your treatment and your quality of life. You should feel comfortable asking questions and talking to your medical provider. Make sure they listen to you and respect your point of view. Your decisions and your dignity should be their top priority.
Your top priority, however, should be your self-awareness about subtle and not-so-subtle changes in symptoms and health status, as others cannot fully feel or assume what you're going through. Even if you aren't sick, there's a reason you're at the doctor. And even if you're as healthy as a ham, your annual checkups should be seamless and you should be able to walk out of the clinic knowing you've been cared for.
You don't have to take that pill if you feel worse than before or maybe aren't seeing a difference at all.
And you do not need to take "you're fine" as a diagnosis if your suspicions brought you into the office in the first place.
There is no intention to breed paranoia here but please, communicate with your primary care physician and stand up for yourself until your mind is at ease.
My feelings as a patient advocate are so strong because, during my chemotherapy, I wasn't as great an advocate as I should've been. The world of cancer and chemotherapy became a whole new one when I was the patient instead of the usual relative or family friend.
It's a story for another day, but my oncologist was highly unorganized, lacked communication and quite frankly came off as someone who didn't know what they were doing. Whatever she ended up doing clearly worked for me, but the number of headaches my family, myself and my nurses went through was completely unnecessary. Nonetheless, I learned a lot of lessons from not being a strong advocate for myself (Thank God for my family) and now I strive to help others learn from those missteps.
So as I reflect back on this day two years ago, I want you to know that I am thankful for your support, for your kind messages, and for your readership. As I look to graduate school, I can't help but get excited with the confirmation that I want to dedicate the rest of my life to helping the cancer community as well as helping those not in it stay that way. Exciting things are ahead.
Take a moment to be thankful where you are right now and reflect on how you are feeling at this moment. Be grateful that each of you possesses the power to stand up for yourself and your health. Don't take your body for granted and celebrate that you were given this day.
If you ever have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to reach to out me. I'd love to have a conversation with you, even if it's not about health and wellness. I'm always here.
Take care of yourselves,
Abi
Take care of yourselves,
Abi
