#30DaysOfTeal How to Be There for a Friend Going Through a Medical Condition

Week 2 and Day 8 of All Things Ab's #30DaysOfTeal Series is in full swing! I'm hoping this week is better than the first one.

I want to take a day and pause from the preventative posts and talk about what happens when you, or a friend, experience bad news. If you or someone you know is going through a hard time with a medical condition, how can we all be there to better support each other?

As we all get older, we slowly begin to realize that life will sometimes throw us or a loved one a curveball. While some things can be easily managed, others -- like a friend/loved one getting an incurable or chronic medical condition -- can alter the reality you both once knew.

Although there is no doubt that's it's incredibly challenging to watch a friend enter this new status, it doesn't mean that everything has to change completely. You may think you are overstepping your boundaries at first, but your support is always vital to their mental and physical health.

Increasing the interaction between two people has been shown to elevate moods, during these times especially. However, if you're unsure how to support them right away, it isn't the end of the world. I've found a few ways to best show up for someone with a medical condition without having to overthink it -- or worse, abandon or isolate them.

1. DO: Be patient
Things may or may not be different between you and your friend now and they'll really appreciate your patience while everyone gets adjusted in this new period. Be patient and don't get upset if plans fall through, especially last minute. Remember that all of what they are going through has nothing to do with you. Don' t give up on them and respect their time and space if they want it. Your lasting friendship is enough right now.

2. DON'T: Give advice unless they ask for it
Even if you're close, you don't want to force them to take your advice or listen to your solutions. Just because it worked for one person, doesn't mean it will work for them. And that's okay because chances are, your friend doesn't expect you to know the answers. Chronic medical conditions are unique to each person and so the best way to help them is by seeing what they need, if anything.

3. DO: Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions show your friend you are willing to have tough conversations and that you want to understand the world in their eyes. These kinds of questions also prevent you from becoming too intrusive as your friend will be able to control the conversation in sharing as much or as little as they wish to. Examples could be: What have been the highs and lows for you lately? How can I be there for you? How have the last few days been?

4. DON'T: Act differently
While it's important to be sensitive during sensitive times, you don't want to treat your friend like a fragile object. There was nothing more awkward when I was going through chemotherapy than those who showed me a softer side during that transition. Everyone always meant well, but their changed personalities never helped any situation. Be sure to act as you always do so they do not feel you pity them. Their world is already different, and your friendship may be the only thing that reminds them that life can still be normal and fun for them.

5. DO: Become a better listener
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. The point is that the more your friend feels heard and not advised, the better. Actively listen to what they choose to share with you and don't assume you know how they feel. Giving them the freedom to have control over their own narrative and condition is one of the healthiest things you can help them do. And as a backup, take the time to research the illness in your own time so that in case they want to change the topic in person, all of your questions will have been answered already.

6. DON'T: Disappear
Medical conditions are often sensitive topics. Not a lot of people know how to approach them or talk to the people going through them. Most people don't realize what they tend to do -- more often times than not -- is disappear. I can't tell you how many people stopped talking to me when I was going through treatment. I knew they didn't know what to say or maybe they were handling it on their own as they digested the news themselves. But please, don't do this. Try so so hard to recognize the time between conversations and visits, because when a friend has a medical condition and isn't able to do much with their life, that's all they think about.

I hope you think about these tips on how to be there for a friend going through a tough time. This may not work for everyone, but if you offer your continuous friendship, you will soon enough discover what they specifically want and need from you.

Even though you may want to make them feel better immediately, your friend will appreciate you taking the time to be there for them when they need it most.

Take care of yourselves,

Abi